--- title: "Boris Johnson Gets Lifetime Croquet Ban | Dubai Croquet Club" url: https://www.dubaicroquet.com/blog/does-boris-johnson-play-croquet/ --- > Does the bumbling buffoon play the great game? News from the Dubai Croquet Club, a free social golf croquet club at Safa Park, Dubai. 15 January 2022 # Boris Johnson Gets Lifetime Croquet Ban ![Boris Johnson playing tennis](/_astro/boris-tennis.BPNImkjn_DvY6x.webp) _Satire: this post is a parody, not a news report. Nobody has actually banned anyone._ ## Life time ban for Boris Boris Johnson, the bumbling party monster, divider of nations, allegedly serial philander & fabricator, sporter of rubbish hair and generally degenerate, self-interested grease ball, has been banned for life by the Dubai Croquet Club Committee. ![](https://miro.medium.com/max/750/0*6nofQ7zWm6d1c_o9.jpg) Obviously as a unopinionated bi-partisan and inclusive bunch we do not take this lightly but let us put the evidence before you. ### The Evidence 1. Lied about pretty much everything relating to the EU during his Brexit Campaign. 2. [Had multiple cheese and wine raves during lockdown, flouting the government’s own rules - nice.](https://www.vox.com/2022/1/15/22885055/boris-johnson-uk-party-wine-scandal-covid-19-lockdown) 3. [Andrew Mar is generally a pretty smart guy and he thinks Boris is a nasty piece of work](https://www.theguardian.com/politics/video/2013/mar/24/boris-johnson-accused-nasty-video). 4. [Even the previous Conservative attorney general thinks Boris is full of it](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/boris-johnson-dominic-grieve-downing-street-prime-minister-mps-b1990608.html). ### Polling the Nation After an extensive and statistically irrelevant survey we have discovered that Boris’ own contituent thinks he is a [“Filthy piece of toerag”](https://twitter.com/Haggis_UK/status/1180721558500909056?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1180721558500909056%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2Farticle%2Fboris-johnson-woman-toerag-insult) ### The Action ![](https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/X7Q7L6FNQEI6TFARUYEPTUGC2M.jpg) > Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (soon to be formally) of 10 Downing Street, London, UK > is hereby banned for life from all Dubai Croquet Club events, tournaments, socials, work events or otherwise. ![](https://i2-prod.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article101472.ece/ALTERNATES/s1200/boris-johnson-pic-rex-149163468.jpg) ### Addendum Novak Djokovic is still welcome for now. Despite being a bit of tit, putting other athletes at risk and then lying about it, he’s actually good at his job, and that matters mallet fans. ![](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/cb5ee63600e77242f1a2404c47aace1aa0204646/78_150_2905_1744/master/2905.jpg?width=465&quality=45&auto=format&fit=max&dpr=2&s=7e0770f5ee3031304bd34ca5913d649d) But you’re on warning Djokovic, you cheeky monkey. Don’t make a habit of it. [← All news](/news/) ```json {"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BlogPosting","headline":"Boris Johnson Gets Lifetime Croquet Ban","description":"Does the bumbling buffoon play the great game?","url":"https://www.dubaicroquet.com/blog/does-boris-johnson-play-croquet/","mainEntityOfPage":"https://www.dubaicroquet.com/blog/does-boris-johnson-play-croquet/","datePublished":"2022-01-15T00:00:00.000Z","author":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Dubai Croquet Club"},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Dubai Croquet Club","url":"https://www.dubaicroquet.com/"},"image":"https://www.dubaicroquet.com/_astro/boris-tennis.BPNImkjn_1J7pUy.jpg"} {"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://www.dubaicroquet.com/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"News","item":"https://www.dubaicroquet.com/news/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Boris Johnson Gets Lifetime Croquet Ban","item":"https://www.dubaicroquet.com/blog/does-boris-johnson-play-croquet/"}]} ```